Osama bin Laden’s Latest Diatribe

     I understand the demon djinn just released a new audio tape.  Apparently his current cave (or equivalent primitive dwelling) doesn’t sport rudimentary video facilities.  

     He called for a Muslim boycott of American goods.  Let’s see, a short list of American exports could consist of food, airplanes, medical technology, computer operating systems, and Hollywood movies.  A Muslim boycott of food? Good luck growing your own out there in the desert, fellas!  A Muslim boycott of airplanes or airlines? I’m thinking I don’t even need to touch that one.  A Muslim boycott of medical technology? Hey! Who am I to stop you from wanting to keep living in the 18th century? A Muslim boycott of Windows, Mac OS, Unix, and various strains of Linux? That’s okay, you can depend on Japanese, Korean, and Taiwanese goods if you like to get your messages out on the Internet and television.  They’re all good allies of ours, we don’t mind if you make them richer, as we can buy stock in their companies and keep our 401(k)  portfolios afloat.  A Muslim boycott of Hollywood movies? That hardly matters, as Muslim countries are as bad as China when it comes to bootlegging movies and DVDs.  Overall, a general Muslim boycott of American goods would be a Pyrrhic victory for you. 

     Osama, you may boycott away! It’s not like you were having much success getting anywhere you could access American goods anyway, and that makes me happy.  I don’t want you putting your filthy paws on anything made by people who are far better than you. 

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2 Responses to Osama bin Laden’s Latest Diatribe

  1. Hi, Sir:

    I just wanted to thank you for linking to the CENTCOM webpage, and let you know that we actually run translations of the terrorists’ statements on a section of our site called “What Extremists Are Saying.” They can be pretty illuminating! You may well have read them already, but I thought I should let you know, as many news outlets only run excerpts.

    If you’d like to be signed up for the weekly electronic newsletter and monthly Coalition Bulletin, please drop me a line.

    SPC C. Flowers
    CENTCOM Public Affairs

  2. Chris Penningroth says:

    SPC Flowers:

    Thanks for dropping me a line! I’d be happy to receive both the newsletter and Bulletin. I check out the operations on both NIPRNET and SIPRNET whenever I can, but that’s not very often. Besides, it’s better to have the public information, because obviously we can’t discuss anything from SIPRNET.

    Please use the e-ddress AirForce13 -at- AOL -dot- com to send me the bulletin/newsletter.

    Thanks again!

    Chris Penningroth

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