Osama bin Laden’s Latest Diatribe

     I understand the demon djinn just released a new audio tape.  Apparently his current cave (or equivalent primitive dwelling) doesn’t sport rudimentary video facilities.  

     He called for a Muslim boycott of American goods.  Let’s see, a short list of American exports could consist of food, airplanes, medical technology, computer operating systems, and Hollywood movies.  A Muslim boycott of food? Good luck growing your own out there in the desert, fellas!  A Muslim boycott of airplanes or airlines? I’m thinking I don’t even need to touch that one.  A Muslim boycott of medical technology? Hey! Who am I to stop you from wanting to keep living in the 18th century? A Muslim boycott of Windows, Mac OS, Unix, and various strains of Linux? That’s okay, you can depend on Japanese, Korean, and Taiwanese goods if you like to get your messages out on the Internet and television.  They’re all good allies of ours, we don’t mind if you make them richer, as we can buy stock in their companies and keep our 401(k)  portfolios afloat.  A Muslim boycott of Hollywood movies? That hardly matters, as Muslim countries are as bad as China when it comes to bootlegging movies and DVDs.  Overall, a general Muslim boycott of American goods would be a Pyrrhic victory for you. 

     Osama, you may boycott away! It’s not like you were having much success getting anywhere you could access American goods anyway, and that makes me happy.  I don’t want you putting your filthy paws on anything made by people who are far better than you.